I had always wondered if there will ever come a time for me to actually step out of tanah airku for as long as I still breathe. Though I was told that I had been to Singapore before but apparently I was still a baby then - one that I had no clear, and vivid memory of. I could barely speak then, let alone walk, therefore it's almost too impossible for me to trace any available memories of me being physically there. Hence, I wouldn't count it as me having been to another country before. Alhamdulillah. I guess Allah swt heard my prayers, I was blessed with a chance to travel out of the country for the very first time in my entire existence (and without my family's presence). When this opportunity arose I honestly didn't want to lose it, although it was pretty hard to convince Ayah of allowing me to go to Singapore. You see, Ayah had always been protective and careful of me whenever I decide to go out without him but as I grow older, his protection over me is reduced...
Remember the masscomm interview I had about a month ago or so? Well the result was supposed to be out about a week ago but it was postponed (because of an unsaid reason) to last Monday. Only God knows how terribly nervous I was before the result day! And when the day finally came, I, who was feeling both excited and anxious, suddenly felt like bursting into tears. I honestly don't know where I mustered the confidence from but I was pretty convinced that I would get a positive result. It's like some sort of a hunch or something, idk. But what made me feel like bawling my eyes out is because I thought I was too confident and if the result turn out to be a disappointment, my heart would crush into pieces and I don't think I would ever want to feel that way. ANYWAY, once the result could be checked, firstly, I said my prayers, and then I proceeded by typing my IC number and without much hesitation I clicked "semak (check)", and here's my result... Yeap,...
Saw this sijil and it immediately brought me back to earth. I remember feeling restless at the camp. My heart thumped unusually and I broke out into profuse sweat. Could be because it was my first time being away from home. Away from my family. Signs of homesickness I presumed. A new feeling. But the next thing I knew, life took its own course the following week. And everything just fell into place and gave meaning to my restlessness. I lost the one person who had Paradise beneath her feet. My Mimi. This certificate, it exists not as a form of nostalgia nor a form of sentimentalism. It exists to remind me that in a span of short period of time, anything could happen or be taken away from me, granted that they are actually lent to me. But of course, everything that happens has already been written, Maktub. Every shape or form that we possess in this life are not ours. Even our own selves. Eventually, everything belongs to Allah swt and it's only fair if He decide...
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